As Alessandro is approaching 3 months (yes, really!), I’ve been looking back on pregnancy and I have to say, there’s a lot of things I wish I’d known then. Truth be told, someone probably told me most of these things, I just didn’t listen. There are some things you just have to discover on your own. But I’ll make a list anyways, just in case some of you are wiser than I was. Here we go...
1. ALL BABIES ARE DIFFERENT. You can read this a thousand times, but somehow there’s still this vision of how a baby is supposed to be, and if yours doesn’t fit into that, you worry. I was watching other babies yesterday in church, and the babies I saw were definitely more what I was expecting from a newborn. They were quiet, tiny and delicate, sleeping all the time, and just waking up to eat, then going back to sleep. Guess what? Alessandro was never like that. He’s always looked older than he was, and been very alert and awake since Day 1. He sleeps more now during the day (if he’s held) than he did the first few weeks. Moral of the story: Expect nothing.
2. EVERY PARENT IS DIFFERENT. It’s easy to be all judge-y while you’re pregnant; you don’t know what’s coming! If you’d asked me three months ago, I would’ve told you that my baby was sleeping in the crib, end of story. That lasted, oh, until the day he came home from the hospital. At some point during that night, he and I both fell asleep during a feeding, and woke up several hours later. It went on like that for a while, that I would try to get him to sleep in the bassinet, but give in at some point, just to get some sleep. A few weeks ago, I finally realized it wasn’t a bad thing to sleep with this little one; actually it was easier for both of us, and we end up more well-rested in the morning, because we rarely have to fully wake during the night. So, don’t knock it til you’ve tried it.
3. It’s ok to not be terribly productive. If you spend all your time worrying about housework or errands, you’ll miss sweet moments!!
4. Don’t worry so much about the way your decisions are going to affect baby. As in, don’t feel guilty for letting him sleep in your lap, or the swing, etc. Sometimes it’s just about survival, and you need some sleep too!
5. “You can sleep when they sleep” is a big, fat lie. Well, it may work for some people, but Alessandro wakes up when he hits the bed, so the few times he sleeps without being held, I do work, son.
6. Take parenting books with a grain of salt. Like I said, every baby and parent is different. Crying it out doesn’t work with everyone, and isn’t every parent’s cup of tea. I swore that I would use the Ferber method when I was pregnant, but now I don’t want to. I like soothing him to sleep, and don’t actually think that it’ll affect him long term. Maybe I’m wrong, but he’s just too little and precious for me to leave him in there crying. Not for me.
7. Most things you register for are unnecessary and you might not even use. Registering is so fun and exciting, it’s like a long Christmas list. But so many of the things stores would have you believe are useful are just not. I thought I needed all this stuff for breastfeeding; lanolin, storage bags, etc. I used my lanolin maybe five times, and none of the other things. Except my Boppy, I love that thing. And a pump. But every baby doesn’t need a bouncer, swing, and all that stuff. In fact, I would recommend waiting until you see how your baby is until you buy toys. I bought a bouncer before I left for Italy, and was so excited to use it because I just thought it was going to be a life-saver. He hates the thing. He likes to be violently bounced, and the bouncer just lightly jostles him. So we got a swing a couple weeks ago, and that’s much more his speed. I can actually eat now without holding him. I just ordered a jumperoo, so we’ll see if that makes his cut.
8. Don’t buy too much baby stuff when you’re pregnant. I know, it’s so hard not to. But I’m still getting gifts almost three months later. Definitely don’t buy socks and bibs, people love giving you those. Alessandro could probably wear a different bib every day of the month. (Not that I’m not grateful, guys!) But don’t worry that you won’t have enough of those things.
9. You do need: a baby carrier (much easier in my opinion than lugging a carseat around), lots of baby pajamas and also some for yourself, a swaddler with velcro, a Boppy, a good stroller, carseat, and plenty of diapers (even if you’re cloth diapering, it’s great to have backup disposables). Everything else can come later.
10. It’s ok to ask for help. I felt like it would all be completely manageable when I was pregnant. I didn’t need any help. WRONG! I’m so glad Paolo’s mom was able to help us right after his birth, and even now, I still need help often! I had to ask my mom to watch Ale last Saturday just so I could run some errands without having to deal with the logistics of carrying him around (still have a 2 door car, clearly wasn’t purchased with a baby in mind). You can’t feel too guilty for these things; yes, it’s your baby, but don’t play the martyr. People like holding your baby. They really don’t mind.
11. Lastly, don’t worry too much about labor and delivery. HA, YEAH RIGHT. But seriously, if you can, try not to. It’s going to happen how it happens. Even if you have this birth plan and all these ideas for how it’s going to go, it probably won’t be that way. In Italy, I didn’t get to choose my doctor, in fact, I never met the doctor that delivered Ale (Dr. Luigi) until I was in the midst of transition. I didn’t really have much idea how things were going to go since there’s not as much information available there and things vary from region to region. But in retrospect, I’m glad for all that, because if I’d pictured myself with a completely perfect birth experience, I would’ve been highly disappointed. Regardless of how messy it was, or missing the epidural, or being without Paolo for most of it, it still happened, and Ale is still perfect and healthy.
So, the basic idea is, don’t worry. And don’t have preconceived notions. It’s all going to play itself out one way or another, regardless of how much you prepare or worry. So obviously the less of that you do, the better. I know it’s kind of in one ear and out the other, but I thought I’d try to share my limited wisdom anyways. I was all about reading baby blogs when I was pregnant, although I obviously didn’t take much to heart.
In other news, Alessandro is still thriving. He’s almost 15 pounds and super active. He makes tons of cute noises and is just so beautiful. He still doesn’t sleep a lot and is super demanding (he wants to be held non-stop). Lucky for him, he’s adorable, so I don’t mind that much.
Ciao for now,
Kathleen
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