Crossroads

Hello all, long time, no see :) Turns out having two kids makes one pretty busy; who knew?

Recently, someone sent me a message saying that they liked the pictures I posted, and that it looked like I was "living my best life".. I know she meant that as a compliment, but to be honest, it hit me hard. What I post on Facebook and Instagram is just the rosy side of life. These past few months, while overall containing mostly good moments, have simultaneously been some of the more emotionally trying months of my life. Of course, no one wants to see pictures of that stuff.

I could have posted the moment where I realized I didn't have a job to go back to when my maternity leave was over- yes, they can do that if your contract ends during your leave, even at the company consistently voted "best place to work". I could have posted when the daycare we planned on sending Elisa to (where AJ is), told me they couldn't give her a place because we lived outside the city limits- not that it matters if I have no job. I could have posted about the 50+ job applications I've sent, the countless interviews (ok, 6), or the rejections- apparently no one wants to hire a 28 year old mother of two small children who wants to work part time, without extensive job experience. Or I could've posted the heartbreaking day last week when I was officially unemployed- May 1, or May 2, my daughter's first birthday, when I had to report to the unemployment office. Or today I could've posted the super awesome 4 hour job application workshop I have to attend every day this week, on orders of said unemployment agency- where even the job coach seems baffled by my situation.

But these aren't the rosy parts of life. I say all of this to say, what is online isn't real. I mean, those are real parts of life, but they don't tell the whole story. This is not to say that my life is terrible. I'm definitely at a crossroad, and I am trying very hard not to be discouraged, even though to be honest, the situation all around sucks. But I have two beautiful, super smart children (AJ memorized the top 50 most populous countries in order last week, and Elisa started pushing her walker today :) ), a lovely husband who would hate me writing about him online, and oh by the way, we bought a house! Luckily (because of my unemployment), we don't actually move in or start paying for the house until June 2019, because the current owners are building new. But the contract is signed, so this was big deal for us. We were very fortunate to find the right house, the right place, the right owners, and most of all, the right price. In the Stuttgart area, or in our case, 50 km away, this is not so easy to find. But from June of next year, we will be moving to a tiny village not too far from the Black forest, where daycare places are abundant, and as the lady selling told us, "the only sound you'll hear is the horses in the fields around the village". I think that's when Paolo was sold.

So all in all, everything is fine and will be fine. When I feel discouraged, I try to channel Scarlett O'Hara in her "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again" moment. However, if you see me making dresses from my curtains, send help.

Ciao for now,
Kathleen

Vacanza, Finalmente!

Well, folks, I survived. The sleep regression/ wonder week is still going on, but it's very slowly improving. It turned out that I had the flu, so that's why I just couldn't deal with it all. So now that that miserable week is over, on to better things!

We are leaving tomorrow for our big summer vacation-a month in Italy! How are we swinging that, you ask? I'm on maternity leave, Paolo has two months of parental leave, and he's taking one in September, and AJ's new school is not starting until October. So what better to do than escape to Italy for a bit? We'll spend a couple weeks at my in-laws beach house in Jesolo, with a couple weeks in between in Puglia (in various cities). It'll be my first time to travel south of Rome, so I'm pretty excited. We're traveling by car, so hopefully we won't find too much traffic this time of year (post vacation season). 

I don't think I've mentioned it here yet, but I've applied for Italian citizenship. First of all, this is a dual citizenship; no, I am not giving up my American citizenship. Secondly, what are the benefits of this? I currently have to keep a residence permit, which is tied to my marriage to an EU citizen, in order to stay and work here in Germany. With EU citizenship, I will be granted the same rights as anyone else here (minus the right to vote, although I can then vote in Italy). Why Italian and not German citizenship, you may ask? In a nutshell, it's easier. For German citizenship, I must stay here another 4 years, and renounce my American citizenship. So that is a no go for me as I'm not willing/interested in doing that (although the double taxation on expats is pretty dumb). I can claim Italian citizenship through Paolo while living abroad after 3 years of marriage, which is halved once you have a kid. Then I just had to turn in some documents (officialized, with apostille and translations), and I have a date in November to swear these are true and then a waiting period of up to 2 years to receive my confirmation. Long process, but easy. And at the end, I will be an Italian American! 

It still sounds funny to me to even say, but hey, why not? Maybe then I will finally get around to changing my last name to fit in a little better with the other Italians (Powers somehow does not scream Italy). I suppose I could even run for political office there. Those guys have been voting in Trumps for years, may as well vote for an Alabama girl. Maybe my slogan will be, "Make the Romans great again" (patent pending). 

For now, I'm off to finish packing. Trying to fit all we need for a whole month is no easy feat, thanks to the stroller, car seats, etc. 

Ciao for now, 

Kathleen 

All of the Coffee

Today I feel like a failure. I feel defeated and frankly, just done. The past three weeks have been one of the most trying times of my life. Elisa is going through a sleep regression/growth spurt/wonder week/teething, or who really knows what. Does it even matter? My sweet angel, who was sleeping 5-6 hour stretches at two months is now waking up 7-10 times per night. Last week it started normalizing before taking a turn for the worse, and by that I mean, the worst. The past four nights I have slept maybe 3 hours per night.. but certainly not all in a row. As a result, I'm literally sick: nausea, headache, back pain, skin breaking out, etc. It doesn't seem to affect Elisa as far as her mood or daytime sleep behaviors.  It certainly doesn't affect my dearly beloved, who wakes up only about 10% of the time. I know it's stupid, but a man's ability to sleep through seemingly anything infuriates me.  

So that brings me to today.. where I have a total of zero energy to deal with these two children. Oh yeah, AJ is currently home for a few months before he starts a new daycare in October. Seemed like a good idea at the time, but here we are. I thought we would be going out and doing things all the time, which we did initially, until this mess started. Now the poor kid is stuck in the house with a baby and a mom too sick and tired to do anything. Thankfully, he is good at playing independently and can occupy himself when I just can't. 

I was already having feelings of not being able to distribute myself fairly, and not being able to spend nearly as much time with Elisa as I did with AJ, but now I'm not even able to enjoy the time I have with her. Something's got to give. I don't even have the energy to exercise, which I desperately need to do since I can't seem to shake the baby weight. 

Tonight Paolo is taking over the night shift for the first time. I had to ask for the favor (why aren't men more intuitive?), but at least he's helping me. I have the sinking feeling that even from the couch I'll hear Elisa fussing before Paolo does, but we shall see. I've ordered the "Merlin Magic Sleepsuit", which is like a weighted blanket suit thing for babies to transition from the swaddle, and based on the reviews, is a miracle worker. It's arriving Thursday, and honestly, all my hopes and dreams are riding on this sleepsuit. If it doesn't work, I don't know what to do, this is not sustainable. I mean, AJ was a horrific sleeper, but even he wasn't this bad as long as I was holding him. 

Sorry about the rambling rant, I am desperate and frustrated. I want to enjoy the summer with my babies but instead I'm a sick, fat, grumpy monster. If anyone has any advice on baby sleep (besides swaddling, white noise, co sleeping, which we've tried), I'm all ears. Now I'm heading to make some coffee. 

Ciao for now,

Kathleen

Elisa Jane's Birth Story

It all started with a routine OBGYN visit. I was 39 weeks, 3 days pregnant, and after off and on prodromal labor the previous two weeks, I was hoping to hear that I looked ready to go into labor at any second. But then my dr told me that just as with AJ, I had critically low fluid levels, and the baby needed to come out. And no, I was not dilated or effaced, and my cervix was way high. In case you don't know what that means, it's not good when you were hoping for everything to be all natural. So my dr gave me my hospital admittance papers and told me I had two days before I needed to admit myself. Thank goodness.. I mean, at that point you know you're having a baby soon, but it's still scary when it comes down to it.

Sunday morning I checked myself into the hospital; they agreed that I needed to be induced immediately, and gave me the choice whether I wanted a prostaglandin tablet or a "midwives cocktail". Luckily I had read about this cocktail and knew that the active ingredient was castor oil, so that was a no go for me. Castor oil is no guarantee of anything except diarrhea, which the midwife laughed at when I pointed it out. I expected the tablet to be very effective, as with AJ I was induced via prostaglandin gel, and they gave me a 24 hour timeline for it to begin to be effective , but in 15 hours he was laying on my chest. So that night, after the medicine was administered, I showered and slept with my contacts in, fully expecting that to be the night (and who wants to start labor dirty?). However, the night came and went with nothing. 

By mid morning the next day, I started to have leg cramps, but that seemed unproductive. By the afternoon I finally started to have some contractions, but nothing noteworthy, so they took the medicine out and said they would try something else the next day. And yes, this whole time I was staying in the hospital; so much fun. So after Paolo left for the night, I washed my face, decided against a shower until the morning and went  to bed. Naturally, that's when the contractions picked up. I started timing them and thought, well I should probably head over to labor and delivery (I was staying on a different hall), just to check it out. When I stood up, my water broke, which was not nearly as dramatic as in movies. I ran over to l&d, where they started monitoring, and texted Paolo that my water broke so he should probably head back. His response- what does that mean? Seriously, men.. 

Unfortunately, all these contractions weren't very productive and I was still not dilated at all. So they sent me out to walk. We wandered all around that hospital until about 11:30 pm, when it got too painful for me. My midwife took us into the delivery room, which had exercise balls, a tub, and all that stuff. I had my heart set on a water birth but she then told me that the tub was currently out of service and the other rooms were occupied.. so there went my idea of a relaxing labor. So I bounced and paced until I was worn out. My contractions were strong, but manageable because the time in between was ok, whereas last time, the medicine dosage was too high and didn't give me a moment to recover.  But then after a couple hours, there was the heartbreaking moment when my midwife told me the cervix had moved down but still no dilation. I had had in my mind that this would be a short labor, but now it seemed impossible. 

Paolo and I were both exhausted by then. So we both sat down and worked on me just breathing and relaxing. Somehow it worked and i dilated a couple centimeters. Then my midwife told me she could do something which may help me progress. Honestly, I didn't understand what she did (my German was kaput at that point); it may have been a membrane sweep, it may have been voodoo, but it hurt like crazy. It was, however, effective. An hour and a half and three pushing contractions later, Elisa Jane (ey-LEE-sa) was born (4:09am). 

She came out so quickly the midwife actually had the nerve to tell me to wait, as a dr needed to be in the room for the birth. She was so quiet that had it not been for the searing pain, I wouldn't have known she was out. After Paolo hesitantly cut the cord, they placed her on my chest, she just looked up at me, and it felt like my heart grew three sizes. This tiny, helpless baby made those nine miserable months fade away. And thus began this new, sweet chapter in our lives. 

Ciao for now,

Kathleen 

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

Well, folks, today I made it to 38 weeks pregnant. How am I feeling? Hmm, it’s a complicated question with an answer that changes 1267 times a day. One thing I can say for sure is that no two pregnancies are alike.

When I was pregnant with AJ, I had no idea how easy I had it. On one hand, that pregnancy was much more emotionally difficult, simply because I was young and scared. This time everything was according to plan, so from an emotional standpoint, I was prepared and happy. But from a physical standpoint, it has been a nightmare. I remember last time reading all these symptoms, and thinking that maybe I had some slight signs of some of them.. this time, it’s more of a question of which ones I don’t have. I’m simply hoping that after all this difficulty during pregnancy, baby girl will at least be easy-going (and sleep!). That’s not so much to ask, right?

I do have to say that I am very fortunate to live in a place where I have ample maternity and sick leave. I don’t really know what I would have done during my sickest times if I hadn’t been able to take sick days. Here in Germany, rather than having a certain number of sick days, you simply stay home when you are sick. Up to 3 days, you don’t need a dr’s note, and after that most doctors will write you a week or more off for standard illnesses. Of course some people take advantage of that, but for the most part, people are honest. And only six weeks at a time can be taken at full pay, and then it drops to 65%, I think. Plus, you can take an additional 10 days per parent, per child when your kids are sick. Luckily we haven’t had to do that very often. But anyhow, I am grateful that I was able to take off during the worst times. And I also have a very understanding boss and team that allowed me to work from home a lot, especially towards the end.

Now I have been on maternity leave for 4 weeks already, as it starts at 34 weeks. So let me explain how maternity leave works here, as I know it varies a lot from country to country. In Germany, it starts 6 weeks before the due date, and the official, full pay leave (split between health insurance and employer) ends 8 weeks after the birth (with job protection during this time). This time is mandatory, and called Mutterschutz (mother protection). At that point, there are several options for how to proceed. Of course you can just go back to work, but almost no one does that. You can take 12 months at 65% pay, with an extra 2 months for the partner if he chooses to also take some leave. Then the total of 14 months can be divided anyway you like, as long as both parties take at least 2 months. Or you can take 2 years at 33%, or you can start back part time at any point, and have some “Elterngeld” (parental allowance) paid out to make the difference. So there are many ways to “slice the elephant” (a phrase management at my company seems to love). Personally, I am doing a standard 12 months leave, and Paolo will take 2 months, slightly overlapping with mine at the end. After that, I plan to return to work part-time, which is another benefit available, although I think that is more of a company benefit than a social one.

I know that everyone has different opinions on how maternity leave should work, and a lot of this is depending on where you are coming from. An American may see this as overindulgent and immediately start talking about how it’s a burden for taxpayers, while some other countries may say it isn’t generous enough compared to their home country. What I can say, as an American who chose to come to Germany and pay much higher taxes, is that I honestly don’t mind paying more when I get benefits like this. Is it discouraging to see 40% of my income go to taxes each month? Ehh, I guess, but I am still left with more than enough to live on, and I use these benefits that I pay for. These things that may seem indulgent (6 weeks vacation, maternity leave, subsidized daycares, etc.) help us to live a better quality of life, and some things you can’t put a price tag on.

So the other question people love to ask these days, is what exactly do I do with all this free time now? Isn’t it boring? In a word, no. I had all these great plans to spend lots of extra time with AJ, in his last weeks as an only child, and all the chores and projects I was going to complete, such as getting all the baby stuff ready, filing taxes (I have to file in the US and Germany), deep cleaning the house, etc.. Thankfully once my leave started, I initially felt much better and more inspired to be productive. Thank goodness I had that time, because my energy levels have slowed down immensely. Last Wednesday, I spent a couple hours working in my garden, trying to get all my spring flowers planted before it’s too late, and it took me the next day and a half to recover from all that bending and squatting.. so yes, I am not too different from an 85 year old. Since then, I’ve been experiencing what I can only assume is prodromal labor (false labor, in laymen’s terms). This is super miserable, as now every day, at almost the same time each day I start getting cramps and contractions that feel very real, but don’t progress, and eventually stop. So, labor with no baby. I have never heard of such a thing before, so only appropriate that it shows up during this pregnancy. After this occurs, I basically spend the rest of the day exhausted and recovering from the pain. The bright side of this is supposedly that my body is preparing, so it’s possible my actual labor is shorter. Not sure that matters so much when it’s making every day miserable rather than one long, hard day.

I so wish that I could be that woman that enjoys pregnancy and feels strong and empowered, but that is just not my experience. With AJ, everything was so uncertain and scary that I didn’t enjoy actually being pregnant much, although I had many good experiences then. This time I have felt like an invalid since just before 6 weeks, when my “morning sickness” began while walking in Oia, Santorini. I know that the end result is totally worth it; if this baby is even half as sweet as AJ still is, then I am one lucky mom. But in the mean time, I am wishing it all away. I feel terrible to admit that, but it’s the truth. On the other hand, I’m not quite ready for her to come; I need her to at least wait until April 27, when my mother in law is here to help with AJ J. Like I get any say as to when baby’s coming. I was thinking she would be late like AJ was, but now I am totally unsure with all this false labor stuff. I just hope I recognize when it’s real so that I get to the hospital. As much as I hate hospitals and want everything to be as natural as possible, I am not looking to have a home birth.

Now that I have written a novel of pregnancy complaints, I am off to do some chores before my “practice labor” begins for today.

Hopefully next time I will have some sweet baby pics to share!

Ciao for now,

Kathleen

Halfway Checkpoint

Today I am 20 weeks pregnant (halfway!), and I realized I haven’t written a blog post since finding out that I’m pregnant. So a quick update for all those who care: I am due May 2, we just found out that this baby is a girl (!), and it is true that each pregnancy is very different.

 

With AJ, the first few months are kind of a blur for me, I was very busy with finishing school, working in a restaurant, and then preparing to move to Italy. Other than my growing stomach and occasional morning sickness, I didn’t notice too many physical symptoms. This time was much more stable and easy from an emotional and financial standpoint, but physically was a nightmare from about week 6-16. Luckily we got in most of our Greek vacation before the torture began, but by the time we reached Santorini, I was just up for laying on the beach (and not a bad spot to do so!). After that, it was just all day, constant, morning sickness (what man named it that anyway?), and absolute exhaustion.

 

I am somehow very fortunate that we are going through a transition phase at work, which means that while management is more or less deciding my future, I don’t have too much to do. From a job security standpoint, not great; from a work-stress standpoint, wonderful.  I have a very supportive and understanding boss and colleagues, and in the German system, sick leave is given when you are sick (no worrying about number of sick days unless you cross 6 weeks per year). Pregnant women are extremely well taken care of in that regard here, so that has certainly made things easier.

 

Anyhow, the last 2-3 weeks have been much better, and other than my ever expanding stomach, shortness of breath, and constant hunger (making up for those 3 months, I think) I feel mostly normal. Baby E is growing perfectly, and has a big head just like her big brother. I have started feeling her move a lot, but we still haven’t felt any kicks externally. AJ is very excited most of the time, and asks me every day when the baby is coming out. He was admittedly disappointed to find out that it was a sister, but I’m sure he’ll come around. I was angry at my brother for being a boy right up until he was born, but I got over it.

 

This has certainly been an exciting time for us; last week AJ turned 4 (!), so we had a dino-themed week, with family coming to visit for both weekends. This week, we are preparing for a trip back to the US, for the first time in 19 months! AJ and I fly out Friday morning, and will be there for 3 weeks, so I am looking forward to some relaxing time visiting friends and family. I will admit that I have a list of foods that I have got to eat during my visit (Chick-fil-a, any decent Mexican food, and Johnny’s BBQ being the top of the list J ). I am pregnant, after all.

 

After I return to Germany, I actually only have a couple months left to work before my maternity leave begins (March 21!). I will then be on leave (partially paid) until at least May 2018, so plenty of time to bond with Baby E before heading back to work.  Then Paolo will take some paternity leave, so baby will be 14 months old when she starts daycare. Not too bad, huh? Yes, I pay a lot of taxes, but if you ask me these kind of benefits are priceless.

 

I hope that everyone has a very merry Christmas season, and a happy New Year!

An Open Letter from a Frustrated American Expat

Dear Fellow Americans,


Wake up. Seriously, what in the world is going on? More specifically, who are you people voting for Donald Trump? If you are one of these people, I have to ask: are you mentally stable? 


I have seen and read lots of articles about what is awful about the Donald, and far fewer about any redeeming qualities. Obviously, this leads me to the conclusion that his followers are most likely illiterate. I can't come up with a better explanation, this must be it (I've been to the Cullman Walmart, these must be the fans).


But enough with the insults, let me be real. From the other side of the world, it is downright embarrassing to be an American right now. I wish I could sugarcoat that statement, but that is the hard truth. It used to be the case that when someone discovered I was American, they would ask which state I came from, and if I liked it here, blah, blah. Now the question is first if I voted for Trump, and secondly, what's wrong with the people in my country? I have no good answer yet for the latter. I then have to admit that this election makes me quite happy to be here.


Don't get me wrong, I love my country. But when I see headlines everyday (yes, even here) discussing Donald Trump's latest stunt, I am embarrassed. And the media here is not nearly as polite as American media is (!), they are super condescending, and quite frankly, having a field day with the fact that big ol' America is so full of idiots that we came up with that guy to be a serious contender for the presidency of the most powerful nation in the world.


Of course, certain countries are loving it more than others. Italians are thrilled that they are no longer the only ones to elect (or almost elect) a bumbling buffoon (see Silvio Berlusconi). Most of Europe is simply laughing at us (not with us, AT us). I mean, really, can you imagine Donald Trump sitting down with Angela Merkel to discuss Russian intervention??? She will rip him to pieces (I, for one, cannot wait to see that one).


Since the GOP field narrowed to one, the tone is changing a bit, however. Everyone is still laughing, but it's becoming a nervous laugh. If this can happen in America, it can happen anywhere. Germany is currently dealing with an insurgent nationalistic party (AFD) as well as France (Front National). Aside from that, how the US reacts on foreign policy affects the rest of the world. Trump is untested, unscrupulous, and quite frankly, unsure. The man flip flops on his policies faster than the media can even report. Who knows what he really thinks?


I have seen so many conservatives bashing Trump in the past year, so now my question is: are you going to vote for him anyway? I truly hate seeing all these establishment Republicans now coming forward and backing him; way to stand by your convictions, guys. And evangelicals? I don't understand how a man like Trump can appeal to a true evangelical, this one is totally beyond me. We should never forget that neither political party is supported by the Bible. One must not vote Republican simply because the Christian status quo says that we should. Yes, there are certain topics that evangelicals say they can never support, but don't fool yourself into believing that Donald Trump is on your side in those fights. Or you can simply look at history and see that even conservative Presidents have done nothing to help in those fights.


So am I voting in this election? You betcha! It will be for whoever is against Trump. I will take Hillary or Bernie gladly over that moron. No, neither of them are perfect candidates either, but I refuse to watch my country become the laughingstock of the world. So I will do everything in my power to stop that, which is simply: vote. I am aware that my vote won't mean much in the state of Alabama (thanks, rednecks), but I will do my civic duty. I want to once again be proud of saying that I am American. Help me out, guys.


Ciao for now,
Kathleen

Guten Abend meine Damen und Herren

I wanted to post a little update on what's going on on our side of the pond, since it's been a while. We are in the midst of the Karneval/Fasching/Fasnet season here, which means parades and school parties.  Much to AJ's dismay, his dog costume from last year still fits, so he'll be a dog again (but I promised a new one next year).  

Alessandro is doing decently in his new kindergarten. His German skills have definitely improved since beginning there; I think it's because he's in an older class now (3-6), so they are speaking on a higher level. His social skills are still rough, unfortunately. Two days this week (out of the three days I picked him up), little girls have run up to me complaining of AJ hitting or biting them. In his defense, these girls do seem really annoying and bossy, but of course there isn't an excuse. We're working on it. The good news from him is that he is officially completely potty trained, including nights! Nights took a good while longer, but it suddenly just clicked, almost overnight. He still is completely obsessed with animals; it's all he talks about, but it makes him happy. As I type this, he is sitting in the bathtub, with a bunch of animals who are speaking German to each other. I know I mention it a lot, but his ability to speak all these languages is totally fascinating to me. He has three mother tongues now; that's incredible! I would really encourage anyone who's thinking about teaching their child an extra language; do it! It has to be natural though, I think, not just a here and there class. He even recognizes now when he hears people speaking a language he recognizes ("Mommy, she's speaking English!"). 

I, on the other hand, am stilllllll in German class. It's hard as an old person to learn a language. I am now in a B2 level class, meaning I can understand well, and communicate decently. Fluent is still a long way away, it seems.  Yesterday (Thursday) I had my first job interview in German. Well, it started in German. It went to English for a while, and then back again. As if an interview isn't nerve-racking enough, do it in another language. However, the good news is that on Wednesday I was officially offered another job, so that eased my nerves. Now I have to decide which job I want to do, but that is a difficult choice that I am happy to have after a year and a half of not working. Honestly, other than the beginning of my time here, and the past couple months, I haven't put tons of effort into finding a job other than sending my CV every once in a while.  But once I made some changes to my CV to make it "more European", with picture and all, I finally started getting responses. So that's the big news in my life. I'm still waiting on the contract to arrive, so I'll give details later. 

For the record, I am really enjoying living in Germany. I've had several people ask me lately when I'm moving back to the US... I don't know? Maybe never? Not because I don't love my country, but I also really like it here. I always give the excuse that Paolo doesn't want to move to the US, but that's really only one reason. I also made the conscious decision to move here, and have spent a year in an integration course, so it's kind of a lifestyle thing. Since my first international trip at the age of 12 (to Egypt), I've said I wanted to live abroad. Thank goodness we didn't end up in Egypt, like I used to want.  I can't say I'll never move back,  because it may happen some day. Hopefully it would be after my child-bearing years; I'm not giving up my one year paid maternity leave (per child!! And up to 3 years unpaid!). Also, not sure I want to give up 6 weeks paid vacation per year. Yeah, we pay high taxes, but in my opinion, quality of life is worth it. I also really enjoy how international the area we live in is; it's not uncommon to sit on the subway and hear four languages simultaneously. But despite having a very high foreign born population, Stuttgart is very safe. This is partly because people are very well integrated, and partly because there are lots of jobs, therefore, money. And most "authentic" Germans I've met have been very nice and welcoming. Of course, there are times when I get frustrated, but that's true with life in general. The best case scenario would be bringing all my loved ones here, but I guess that's having my cake and eating it, too (who came up with that phrase? Everyone eats cake if they have it!). Hopefully teleporting is not too far off in our future :)

Ciao for now,

Kathleen

Moving Forward

We are living in a scary, dark time. I don't think that comes as a surprise, but sometimes it hits a little closer to home, and we are reminded. I live approximately 4 hours east of Paris (by TGV), so for me, the Paris attack was too close to home. I have friends living in Paris; I recognize places in the photos. That is why this attack is causing more of a stir than some others; many of us have been or know people in Paris.. it's more real.

I am not sure how it feels to be in the US right now; I would imagine it feels far away, and you feel safe. I don't feel in danger, but I am certainly aware that I could be. I don't foresee Stuttgart as being an ISIS target, but then again, you never know. But I am not going to change the way I live my life to "protect" myself. Of course if one avoids events, train stations, and airports, you lessen your chances of danger, but then you are just doing what these animals want: giving in to fear. That is what these people, if we can even call them that, thrive on. They declare to do all these acts in name of Allah, but in my opinion, they are doing it only for the sense of power it gives them. It is a great human tendency to promote your own agenda by declaring it as inspired by religion (hmm hmm, politicians).

So now the questions is, what do we do in response to these attacks? I like the French response of bombing the crap out of them, quite frankly. Contrary to American stereotypes of the French being sissies, they actually have a pretty decent defense system, and it would appear they're going to put that to work. We are all still waiting to see how the US responds, but so far I am not impressed. It seems to me that we are going to wait until there is an attack on US soil to do anything again, although my hope is that the West will join together to fight the terrorists. 

I must say that I'm ashamed of the reports that so many US states are refusing refugees. First of all, the US is only taking 10,000. Let's put that into perspective: that is approximately 200 for every state. Nothing.  Stuttgart, a city of 600,000, is taking 11,000 Syrian refugees at the moment. More than the entire US.. that makes sense. Some may say that Germany is overcompensating, but so far, they are managing (Wir schaffen das!). Of course there will come a breaking point, one country can only handle so much. Anyways, 10,000 is not many at all. Is it possible there is a terrorist hiding among them? Of course, we would be naive not to think it could be so. But do we really think we don't have ISIS extremists already there? In the Paris attacks, it seems only 1/8 was a fake refugee; the others were EU citizens. If they hadn't had the one refugee, they would have managed, or found someone else. My theory is that ISIS just wants to show that they can sneak someone in. They don't actually need to, there's enough support already there. How many people have left to go fight after just being influenced by the Internet? Let's not kid ourselves into thinking refugees are the only way these people are going to get into our countries.  

Furthermore, it is much harder to get into the US than it is to get into Europe. US refugees are vetted before they arrive, and there aren't thousands arriving by boat every day to complicate the process. The EU is so inundated with refugees right now, without having a proper standard protocol to deal with it, that it is a real crisis. 

It is so easy to forget that the reason the US was founded in the first place was as a refuge from religious persecution. Over the centuries, many tired, poor, huddles masses have fled to the US in different waves. This one is different because the people are not white and Christian, but we are a land of freedom and opportunity, so that shouldn't matter. These are in the end, people, people fleeing from horrors most of us have fortunately never had to experience. I have met several of them, both as schoolmates and neighbors, and all were very nice, respectable people, simply trying to protect themselves and their families. And we think the right response is to shut them out? And worse, many (most) of the ones protesting the loudest against refugees also claim to be Christians? I can simply not imagine that Jesus would be anti-refugee. As I recall, the Bible says to do for the least what we would do for Him (Matthew 25:40). I bet you wouldn't tell Him to go back to his war-torn country.

Food for thought.

Ciao for now,

Kathleen Powers

Oktoberfest, Wasen, Wiesn, Whatever

Guten tag!! I must warn you in advance that due to not having internet at our new house until mid-November, I am writing this on my phone. There will be errors.

So yes, we are moved into our new apartment finally.. It was a long process; you never know how much you have until you have to move it all. But now we are here, all the furniture except the couch is here, the washing machine was installed (hallelujah!), and now Paolo and AJ are in Italy for a little over a week. I was left out because I have class, and more importantly, my big German test next Saturday. It's the B1 level test, which basically shows that I am intermediate level, and has speaking, listening, reading, and writing sections. So yeah, shoot me now. 

Anyways, I wanted to write a little about Oktoberfest since its that time again. First of all, if you have been to the Cullman Oktoberfest, then just know that that is not even remotely close to what Oktoberfest is. The main festival is in Munich, and is actually called Wiesn. The second largest is in Stuttgart, where I live, and called the Cannstatter Wasen. It is basically an enormous fair, with rides, food, the whole nine yards. The rides are way better than county fair rides, but still.. I'm a bit skeptical of any ride that can be transported. Then you have the "beer tents". These are not actually tents, but these huge hall buildings, with live music and food. And after a certain hour everyone stands on the chairs and dances. I went to Wasen last year on my 2nd or 3rd day here, and I really felt it was the most stereotypically German thing ever. Think guys with big bellies eating sausage and drinking beer. And of course, wearing lederhosen. It is so magnificently Deutsch. I was terrified.   

Now I have my own dirndl and my own group of friends, so we're going to check it out tomorrow! Stay tuned for "The American who fell out of the German Ferris wheel" :)

Ciao for now,

Kathleen 

Endlich

Well guys, it's been a big week here in the De Longhi/Powers (still haven't changed my name) household. We finally got an apartment!!!! I was really beginning to think we might be homeless in a few weeks, so this is a huge relief. How is it possible to be homeless when you have a family and a steady income, you may ask? Let me tell you how things work here in Stuttgart, Germany...

First of all, most apartments are privately owned, not corporate apartments and whatnot. Secondly, there are far more people looking for apartments/houses than there are places available. Which also means that the prices are very high here. Not London high, but relatively high. So what this all means is that the apartment owners have basically all the power in the situation. They can price things how they want, choose who they want, discriminate how they want. Where else can you actually get someone to live in a totally empty (no kitchen, no light fixtures), run down, apartment for double the market price except in a place where people are desperate?

We began our search in April, and started off being picky and thinking we could negotiate with owners. That attitude quickly changed, and by July I was emailing every 2 bedroom apartment I could find within a reasonable distance of Paolo's office. Some wrote back that we could visit, some wrote that due to an unreasonable amount of people applying (300+), we weren't eligible, and most didn't answer. The search began to consume my life, until we finally thought we had one. I felt comfortable enough about it that I went to Italy on vacation.. then we found out we weren't chosen, for reasons that are still unclear. So my vacation was cut from a month to a week, and I came back to continue. The past couple weeks have been grueling, with apartment visits almost every night. We've been to a 300 year old house with ceilings so low we could touch the ceilings with our heads. We've seen showers in the kitchen. We also saw several decent ones that we applied for and were unceremoniously rejected from

I really couldn't tell you why exactly we were rejected, except maybe the other candidates were somehow better. I'm not sure how someone can tell solely from an application who is better, so I'm going to assume it's because we're foreign, young, with a 2 year old, and only one income. It sucks because we couldn't help or change those circumstances. I did my very best managing and keeping track of all appointments, all in German, mind you. So by last weekend, we were kind of at a breaking point. I had lined up 7 appointments over the period of 3 days, none in the same area. The first one went really well; the owners talked with us for a long time and seemed to like us. The next ones were ok, there was one AJ totally destroyed all of our chances of, and the last apartment was truly horrifying in every way possible. And then, finally, we got this magical phone call from the first of the weekend that they chose us!!! I was so shocked, I almost asked them why they would choose us :)

So we are incredibly relieved and grateful. We have already signed the contract and have the keys. I'm going today to take measurements so we can start furniture shopping (yay!). In the end, the one we got is probably my favorite one that we saw. It is in a quiet little village, with a train straight to the city; it has a nice kitchen, and bonus: a garden! I was dreading having to give up my little garden, but now we will still have one, and they told me I could do what I want with it. So, I guess you could say that good things come to those who wait (and frantically check their email/voicemail every 5 minutes).

Ciao for now,

Kathleen

Upside Down

Did you ever have one of those days where one little thing changed, and it turned your world upside down? I can think of two of the top of my head: the day I found out I was pregnant, and the day Paolo found out he got the job here in Germany.  Now that I've somewhat recovered from the latter, I've been thrown for a new loop: I didn't get into university.

Now that may not seem like such a huge deal to you, but to me it's kind of made my life crazy. Firstly, I've never been outright rejected from an educational thing before, so it's kind of humbling me. Secondly, I had all my eggs in that basket. I didn't realize how very limited places there were for international students, and how many people would apply.. only the top 6.7% got in, and most were in university partner schools. Had I known that statistic, I would've found more solid back up plans. Anyways, now my plan is to just keep taking German classes until I either find a job or am fluent enough to work speaking German.

So no big deal right? Nope.. See, we live on the south side of the city, and Paolo works in the north. It's about a 1 hour commute each way for him. So we were trying to find a new apartment somewhere with a better connection for him but still south, so that AJ and I could be close to our school. Well, now that I have no school, AJ also has no school because his daycare was (apparently) only for university students. We have no ties left here in the south, so now we're moving our apartment search north. Which is ok in general, it just means starting back from square one. But then we also have to find a new school for AJ. Ideally, he can go to the little half day school at my school while I am in class, but he's on a waiting list. Not to mention that even for a half day school, he has to have a three week integration period, which means I have to be there, and he can't stay full time (not that he's been in daycare since he was 11 months old or anything). That doesn't work for me because you know, I have class 4 days a week (just upstairs from the daycare). It's so impossible here. It's hard to find a daycare, and then hard to start the daycare. When we find out which area we'll be living in, we can expand the daycare search.

It doesn't help either of these things that AJ and I were planning to fly to Italy in two weeks and stay the whole month of August (we are both on summer vacation then). Sounds like a lovely time, but if we come back homeless and school-less, I bet that'll be kind of a damper on things.

These transition times are always hard; we always manage to get through them, but so many things have to fall into place in order to make it work. I keep hoping these uncertain times will be fewer and farther in between, but I guess that's just life. It always works out in the end, so I'll just keep on keeping on. At least today the kindergarten AJ is in now showed some mercy on me, and told me he could stay through the end of September while we're still living in this side of town. That's a huge relief; we have one more month to search for a daycare. We have three houses to look at this weekend. Who knows, maybe one will be "the one". Now here's for hoping that when we find "the one", the owners choose us. Yes, the housing market is so competitive here, you must be chosen. No room for negotiation at all, you just hope and pray you're the lucky one that gets to pay for that overpriced small space.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.

Ciao for now,

Kathleen

9 Month Progress Report

Hallo everyone!! It's been a busy couple of months! We are now AW, otherwise known as "after-wedding" in my family. It was lovely, really a perfect day; we are so thankful to everyone who celebrated with us both in body and in spirit. I will devote a whole post to wedding details when my pictures get here (the disc is in the mail now!). But today, I'll just give a little life update and check-in.

I realized today that tomorrow marks 9 months of us living in Germany! I can't believe how fast time has gone by! This is the longest I've ever lived abroad, and the experience has been unlike any other moving experience I've had (and there's been a lot). What makes this one so different? Well, firstly, it's not a temporary move. When I left Cullman, I knew I would be in Auburn for four years. Since then, life has basically been a period of moves with a deadline or goal in mind. Now I just know that we're here at least until April 2018. However, by then, we hope to be somewhat settled here, with both of us working and such, so who knows how long we'll be here. Am I crazy to be ok with that?

When we first came to Germany, I really wasn't sure what we were getting into. Out of all the places I've visited, Germany was not one of them, and I didn't know a word of German. The first 3-4 months were hard; I had no idea what I was going to do, and we weren't even sure if Paolo's internship would result in a job, so I didn't even start trying to integrate. Once we knew it was a go, our attitudes definitely changed. That was when I started my German courses, and really trying to get to know the area and make friends. Fast forward six months, and I'm understanding a lot, and speaking enough to get by. It's not an overnight thing, but 16 hours a week is no joke. And I have made lots of lovely new friends in my class.

One of the first questions friends/family from home always ask when they see or talk to me is "how are you liking Germany?" It was hard to answer the first few months; it's really always a hard question. People asked me the same in Italy, but it's always hard to say because my circumstances have always been a bit weird. If you go to Italy to study abroad, you're probably going to have a much different experience than me, who went there to try to learn some of the language and culture before giving birth to a half-Italian. Not that I don't love it there; in fact, having my family-in-law there is awesome; I get to experience the real Italy, not the tourist Italy. It's just different. So back to Germany. Now that I've gotten over the initial shock, and had some time to settle in, I actually kind of love it. I'm not saying that Germany is perfect, but it is definitely a functioning society. People are so kind here; Paolo lost his bus pass yesterday, and today someone messaged him on Facebook that they had found it. I'm not saying that doesn't happen other places, but it seems like the normal standard here. People pick up litter as they see it laying on the street, no joke. People don't try to take advantage of the system; they seem to realize that the only reason the system works is that everyone plays by the rules. For example, the public transport here is great. It is on the expensive side of what I've seen (80 euros/month or $88), but everyone buys a ticket. When the controllers check on the subway and someone doesn't have a ticket, everyone gives them a really dirty look. In Italy or France (the only other places I've had much public transport experience), everyone just got off the train/bus whenever they saw controllers getting on. And the transport companies were always late or on strike. Here, everyone pays, and everything works on time.

Although we are settling in, we're still having some struggles. Right now we're searching for a new apartment (ours is 1 bedroom and approx. 450 sq. feet.), which is very difficult. It's hard to find the perfect location because of course neither of us wants a long commute, but we want somewhere quiet and green like we have now. And since I'm still not working, of course we must stay on a budget (which is hard here).  After some flip-flopping, I've decided I really want to get my master's instead of going straight to work. So now I'm enduring an agonizing wait to see if I got into the program. If I don't, I have to resort to Plan B, which is about 6 more months of German classes until I'm good enough to work. Reallyyyyy hoping for Plan A (although I'll still do more German classes either way).

Sidenote for all the people out there who like to criticize foreigners for not speaking English ("we speak English in this country"): try to have mercy and be kind to people. You don't know their situation or how long they've been somewhere. Of course if it's been 20 years, go ahead and judge, but it is difficult to learn a new language. Not to mention all the other difficult things to adjust to when you move to a new country. I am fortunate in that most people here speak at least some English, but there a lot of people here that don't speak German or English, and I think it's much harder for them. I am not saying that it's ok to move somewhere and not bother learning a language; I'm just saying it's not an immediate thing. Have mercy.

No comment on all these crazy political posts I've seen on Facebook lately other than to try to look at the bigger picture on things. There are so many really important or horrific things happening in the world, imagine if we spent all that time and energy dealing with those issues?

So with that, ciao for now!


Kathleen

Step One: Marriage; Step Two: Wedding?

I know; that title is blowing your mind right now. But here I am in the throes of wedding planning, and it's kind of dominating my thinking right now (well, that and all this German). Yes, I am already married. BUT, we decided to get married and move so quickly that I couldn't plan a wedding that both families would be able to plan and attend. So we're having our wedding in May.

Let me just tell you, it is not easy to plan a wedding between two nationalities. First, I had to decide where to have the wedding; Italy or America. I know many people would jump at the chance to get married in Italy, but to me, the whole reason to have a wedding (we're already married, after all) is to get all (or most) of our friends and family in one place. Having a wedding in Italy would knock out 80% or more of the guests on my side. On the other side, it does the same to Paolo to have a wedding in the US. But whose family pays for the wedding? You get my point. Also, Europeans tend to be more willing and able to go abroad (possibly due to those mandatory 6 weeks of paid vacation?). So we settled on Alabama.

So now it's my task to create a lovely wedding that lives up to both European and American standards of weddings. Italian weddings tend to be all about the food (hello 10 course meal), and American weddings (at least the ones I've been to) are more buffet style with a touch of dancing. So, my wedding is a hybrid, although I would say I lean more towards the European style; ceremony, aperitivo hour, sit down dinner, cake, and dancing. It will probably be longer than most receptions, particularly Baptist ones I've been to, but hey, if you rent a place for a whole day, take the whole day, right? There will not be, fortunately or unfortunately, depending on your standpoint, a four hour 10 course feast. In the US, that would blow my budget to the moon. Sorry, Italians, but it will still be good, I promise!

I am also trying to plan this super fabulous wedding from the other side of the world; this is also quite a feat. Fortunately, almost everything can be done from the internet, and I have a fabulous bridal party and mother who fill in the gaps. Those two months I spent without Internet were prime planning time that I missed out on, so now I'm having to make up for lost Pinterest time (of course after I started school).

However, there are some benefits to having a wedding after you get married. First, you don't have to deal with any of the legalities. It's already done. We probably have more legalities than most because of the dual nationality. Thank goodness, no one was suspicious of a green card marriage; I guess the kid gave us away. One legality I have yet to take care of is to change my name. I know Facebook says Kathleen De Longhi, but I'm still a Powers. I changed it on Facebook, because I originally planned to change it. However, to change your name means you must also change all documents, including your passport. I did not have time to get a new passport before I needed to use it, and now I have my residence/work permit here with Powers on it. So I may actually never change my name. I am afraid to change my Facebook name back because I don't want it to look like we got divorced (silly, right?). This is really a cultural tradition anyways; Italian women retain their family name. German women take their husband's name, like Americans. We'll see.

The other cool thing about already being married is that there are no jitters. We're already legally bound, come hell or high water. No escaping!! :) This also takes a way a bit of the excitement I suppose, but we already had that moment. Our marriage ceremony was actually very sweet, and a moment I will always treasure, so I in no way want this wedding to copy it or try to change it. I am finding ways to make it unique, and a "celebration of love and marriage" rather than an actual marriage.

To be very honest, marriage is hard. People tell you that, but until you're there, you can't know. There is suddenly this other person around you all the time, with an opinion on LITERALLY EVERYTHING, things you didn't even know there could be an opinion on. Add a child, new country, and new job into the mix, and let's just say, there are moments when I wonder why we're celebrating this AGAIN.

It will be fun, though, right? Let's hope; for now it's back to the drawing boards (Pinterest) for me.

Ciao for now,

Kathleen

Tower of Babble

Gut morgen!! I have just come back home from a parent-teacher conference with Ale's teacher. No worries; I simply requested the meeting to see how he's doing with the new language, new class, etc. Everything is fine; his most violent offense was pushing down another kid and exclaiming the Schwaebische (regional dialect) equivalent of uh-oh (Oh-pala (sp?)), which she admitted was actually hilarious and had to suppress laughter at the time. Otherwise, he is doing well, so good news!

One of our main reasons for starting Ale in a German kindergarten was so that he would learn German. We've already got our hands full with English and Italian in our home, so this kindergarten has proven to be effective for language purposes. I get a lot of questions on how we're handling languages with him, so this post is going to focus on language, which happens to be basically the center of my life right now. I am certainly no expert on the topic, but I am studying my 3rd foreign language, so I'm seeing what works and what doesn't.

First of all, the best way to learn a language is to start as a child. They say that until the age of 6, a child can learn up to 6 languages as a mother tongue. Which brings us to Alessandro's situation. We obviously want him to learn English and Italian, just because that's what he needs to be functional in his whole family. So Paolo speaks to him in Italian, and I speak to him in English. His English is currently by far the best of his languages, but I would attribute this to the fact that he has been living with me since birth, and has only consistently been around Paolo since September. But it is amazing what a sponge he is! He has learned so much Italian since then, and the two weeks we were in Italy over Christmas were great for him. There are certainly some words that he favors in one language more than the other, for example "scimmia" (Italian for monkey), but in general, he will speak in English to me, and Italian to Paolo. So now we bring in German. He is now spending 7-8 hours/day in his German school, where they only speak German. But he rarely speaks in German at home; certain phrases, yes,  but not the way he speaks the other 2. According to his teacher, he speaks mostly German at school, sometimes English, but as he learns more German, he speaks less English. Isn't that cool? His brain has compartmentalized German as being what he speaks at school, the same that he has learned English is for mommy, and Italian is for Papa. Moral of the story; teach your kids new languages when they're young!  Trust me, it gets much more difficult as you get older.

Which brings me to my language learning experience. I spent 5 years off and on learning French, and now understand very little French, and speak even less. I think the problem was that my foundation in French was shaky and inconsistent because of the years in between. Then I started learning Italian, which is similar in many ways to French. That helped my Italian, but made my French even worse. Italian I learned much differently than French;  I have almost no formal education in it (minus the couple months I spent in a free course while living there), but instead learned by listening and being there. As a result, I understand almost everything, can speak enough to get around and hold an ok conversation, but my reading and writing is weak. So now I need to learn German, and it needs to be working-level capability. The good news is, I've got the language learning basics down. When I first learned conjugation with French, I was horrified. Now it's not so daunting, and just something that has to be done.

Let it be noted: English has it's complexities, but it is overall a relatively easy language to learn. I don't know why they always tell you (in America) that English is the most difficult language to learn. I mean, maybe if you're coming from just knowing Chinese, but then everything is hard coming from Chinese. The beautiful thing about English is that there are no gender assignments to words. Yes, in most other languages, nouns are masculine or feminine. Which you must know because they require a different pronoun depending on their sex. And as my German teacher said, there is no rhyme or reason as to why they are a certain gender, just learn them, and embrace them.

So how is my class? Well, it's 16 hours a week of German. No, seriously, it's not that bad. I'm almost done with the first level, and I've learned more than I could have imagined learning in 3 1/2 weeks. I did the math and each 5 week level we have in this school covers approximately what you cover in one year of high school language class. This is because it's longer, more frequent, and more intense. Oh, and it is taught entirely in German. I know it sounds impossible, but German is actually the only common language in the class. At least 1/3 of the class doesn't speak any English. I thought it would be super hard, since I didn't know any German (other than basics that you get just from being here), but I was pleasantly surprised to find that I understand most things, and that it forces you to learn much faster, as well as expanding your vocabulary without you even realizing. Another advantage I have is that German is surprisingly similar to English in both structure and words. Pronunciation is another story.

In total, I will take 6 courses, which is about 30 weeks. At that point I will be at the B1 level, which is to my understanding, when you are considered good enough to be able to function in society. I look forward to that; it is difficult to get around here with neither Paolo nor I speaking good German. He took one class last year, and is better than me, but not even close to functional. One of his job benefits now is a German class during work hours, so hopefully he'll start improving too. As they say, if you're going to live in a country, you have to learn the language!

And so, meine freunden, alles gut hier!

Ciao for now,

Kathleen