All of the Coffee

Today I feel like a failure. I feel defeated and frankly, just done. The past three weeks have been one of the most trying times of my life. Elisa is going through a sleep regression/growth spurt/wonder week/teething, or who really knows what. Does it even matter? My sweet angel, who was sleeping 5-6 hour stretches at two months is now waking up 7-10 times per night. Last week it started normalizing before taking a turn for the worse, and by that I mean, the worst. The past four nights I have slept maybe 3 hours per night.. but certainly not all in a row. As a result, I'm literally sick: nausea, headache, back pain, skin breaking out, etc. It doesn't seem to affect Elisa as far as her mood or daytime sleep behaviors.  It certainly doesn't affect my dearly beloved, who wakes up only about 10% of the time. I know it's stupid, but a man's ability to sleep through seemingly anything infuriates me.  

So that brings me to today.. where I have a total of zero energy to deal with these two children. Oh yeah, AJ is currently home for a few months before he starts a new daycare in October. Seemed like a good idea at the time, but here we are. I thought we would be going out and doing things all the time, which we did initially, until this mess started. Now the poor kid is stuck in the house with a baby and a mom too sick and tired to do anything. Thankfully, he is good at playing independently and can occupy himself when I just can't. 

I was already having feelings of not being able to distribute myself fairly, and not being able to spend nearly as much time with Elisa as I did with AJ, but now I'm not even able to enjoy the time I have with her. Something's got to give. I don't even have the energy to exercise, which I desperately need to do since I can't seem to shake the baby weight. 

Tonight Paolo is taking over the night shift for the first time. I had to ask for the favor (why aren't men more intuitive?), but at least he's helping me. I have the sinking feeling that even from the couch I'll hear Elisa fussing before Paolo does, but we shall see. I've ordered the "Merlin Magic Sleepsuit", which is like a weighted blanket suit thing for babies to transition from the swaddle, and based on the reviews, is a miracle worker. It's arriving Thursday, and honestly, all my hopes and dreams are riding on this sleepsuit. If it doesn't work, I don't know what to do, this is not sustainable. I mean, AJ was a horrific sleeper, but even he wasn't this bad as long as I was holding him. 

Sorry about the rambling rant, I am desperate and frustrated. I want to enjoy the summer with my babies but instead I'm a sick, fat, grumpy monster. If anyone has any advice on baby sleep (besides swaddling, white noise, co sleeping, which we've tried), I'm all ears. Now I'm heading to make some coffee. 

Ciao for now,

Kathleen