Step One: Marriage; Step Two: Wedding?

I know; that title is blowing your mind right now. But here I am in the throes of wedding planning, and it's kind of dominating my thinking right now (well, that and all this German). Yes, I am already married. BUT, we decided to get married and move so quickly that I couldn't plan a wedding that both families would be able to plan and attend. So we're having our wedding in May.

Let me just tell you, it is not easy to plan a wedding between two nationalities. First, I had to decide where to have the wedding; Italy or America. I know many people would jump at the chance to get married in Italy, but to me, the whole reason to have a wedding (we're already married, after all) is to get all (or most) of our friends and family in one place. Having a wedding in Italy would knock out 80% or more of the guests on my side. On the other side, it does the same to Paolo to have a wedding in the US. But whose family pays for the wedding? You get my point. Also, Europeans tend to be more willing and able to go abroad (possibly due to those mandatory 6 weeks of paid vacation?). So we settled on Alabama.

So now it's my task to create a lovely wedding that lives up to both European and American standards of weddings. Italian weddings tend to be all about the food (hello 10 course meal), and American weddings (at least the ones I've been to) are more buffet style with a touch of dancing. So, my wedding is a hybrid, although I would say I lean more towards the European style; ceremony, aperitivo hour, sit down dinner, cake, and dancing. It will probably be longer than most receptions, particularly Baptist ones I've been to, but hey, if you rent a place for a whole day, take the whole day, right? There will not be, fortunately or unfortunately, depending on your standpoint, a four hour 10 course feast. In the US, that would blow my budget to the moon. Sorry, Italians, but it will still be good, I promise!

I am also trying to plan this super fabulous wedding from the other side of the world; this is also quite a feat. Fortunately, almost everything can be done from the internet, and I have a fabulous bridal party and mother who fill in the gaps. Those two months I spent without Internet were prime planning time that I missed out on, so now I'm having to make up for lost Pinterest time (of course after I started school).

However, there are some benefits to having a wedding after you get married. First, you don't have to deal with any of the legalities. It's already done. We probably have more legalities than most because of the dual nationality. Thank goodness, no one was suspicious of a green card marriage; I guess the kid gave us away. One legality I have yet to take care of is to change my name. I know Facebook says Kathleen De Longhi, but I'm still a Powers. I changed it on Facebook, because I originally planned to change it. However, to change your name means you must also change all documents, including your passport. I did not have time to get a new passport before I needed to use it, and now I have my residence/work permit here with Powers on it. So I may actually never change my name. I am afraid to change my Facebook name back because I don't want it to look like we got divorced (silly, right?). This is really a cultural tradition anyways; Italian women retain their family name. German women take their husband's name, like Americans. We'll see.

The other cool thing about already being married is that there are no jitters. We're already legally bound, come hell or high water. No escaping!! :) This also takes a way a bit of the excitement I suppose, but we already had that moment. Our marriage ceremony was actually very sweet, and a moment I will always treasure, so I in no way want this wedding to copy it or try to change it. I am finding ways to make it unique, and a "celebration of love and marriage" rather than an actual marriage.

To be very honest, marriage is hard. People tell you that, but until you're there, you can't know. There is suddenly this other person around you all the time, with an opinion on LITERALLY EVERYTHING, things you didn't even know there could be an opinion on. Add a child, new country, and new job into the mix, and let's just say, there are moments when I wonder why we're celebrating this AGAIN.

It will be fun, though, right? Let's hope; for now it's back to the drawing boards (Pinterest) for me.

Ciao for now,

Kathleen