Elisa Jane's Birth Story

It all started with a routine OBGYN visit. I was 39 weeks, 3 days pregnant, and after off and on prodromal labor the previous two weeks, I was hoping to hear that I looked ready to go into labor at any second. But then my dr told me that just as with AJ, I had critically low fluid levels, and the baby needed to come out. And no, I was not dilated or effaced, and my cervix was way high. In case you don't know what that means, it's not good when you were hoping for everything to be all natural. So my dr gave me my hospital admittance papers and told me I had two days before I needed to admit myself. Thank goodness.. I mean, at that point you know you're having a baby soon, but it's still scary when it comes down to it.

Sunday morning I checked myself into the hospital; they agreed that I needed to be induced immediately, and gave me the choice whether I wanted a prostaglandin tablet or a "midwives cocktail". Luckily I had read about this cocktail and knew that the active ingredient was castor oil, so that was a no go for me. Castor oil is no guarantee of anything except diarrhea, which the midwife laughed at when I pointed it out. I expected the tablet to be very effective, as with AJ I was induced via prostaglandin gel, and they gave me a 24 hour timeline for it to begin to be effective , but in 15 hours he was laying on my chest. So that night, after the medicine was administered, I showered and slept with my contacts in, fully expecting that to be the night (and who wants to start labor dirty?). However, the night came and went with nothing. 

By mid morning the next day, I started to have leg cramps, but that seemed unproductive. By the afternoon I finally started to have some contractions, but nothing noteworthy, so they took the medicine out and said they would try something else the next day. And yes, this whole time I was staying in the hospital; so much fun. So after Paolo left for the night, I washed my face, decided against a shower until the morning and went  to bed. Naturally, that's when the contractions picked up. I started timing them and thought, well I should probably head over to labor and delivery (I was staying on a different hall), just to check it out. When I stood up, my water broke, which was not nearly as dramatic as in movies. I ran over to l&d, where they started monitoring, and texted Paolo that my water broke so he should probably head back. His response- what does that mean? Seriously, men.. 

Unfortunately, all these contractions weren't very productive and I was still not dilated at all. So they sent me out to walk. We wandered all around that hospital until about 11:30 pm, when it got too painful for me. My midwife took us into the delivery room, which had exercise balls, a tub, and all that stuff. I had my heart set on a water birth but she then told me that the tub was currently out of service and the other rooms were occupied.. so there went my idea of a relaxing labor. So I bounced and paced until I was worn out. My contractions were strong, but manageable because the time in between was ok, whereas last time, the medicine dosage was too high and didn't give me a moment to recover.  But then after a couple hours, there was the heartbreaking moment when my midwife told me the cervix had moved down but still no dilation. I had had in my mind that this would be a short labor, but now it seemed impossible. 

Paolo and I were both exhausted by then. So we both sat down and worked on me just breathing and relaxing. Somehow it worked and i dilated a couple centimeters. Then my midwife told me she could do something which may help me progress. Honestly, I didn't understand what she did (my German was kaput at that point); it may have been a membrane sweep, it may have been voodoo, but it hurt like crazy. It was, however, effective. An hour and a half and three pushing contractions later, Elisa Jane (ey-LEE-sa) was born (4:09am). 

She came out so quickly the midwife actually had the nerve to tell me to wait, as a dr needed to be in the room for the birth. She was so quiet that had it not been for the searing pain, I wouldn't have known she was out. After Paolo hesitantly cut the cord, they placed her on my chest, she just looked up at me, and it felt like my heart grew three sizes. This tiny, helpless baby made those nine miserable months fade away. And thus began this new, sweet chapter in our lives. 

Ciao for now,

Kathleen 

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

Well, folks, today I made it to 38 weeks pregnant. How am I feeling? Hmm, it’s a complicated question with an answer that changes 1267 times a day. One thing I can say for sure is that no two pregnancies are alike.

When I was pregnant with AJ, I had no idea how easy I had it. On one hand, that pregnancy was much more emotionally difficult, simply because I was young and scared. This time everything was according to plan, so from an emotional standpoint, I was prepared and happy. But from a physical standpoint, it has been a nightmare. I remember last time reading all these symptoms, and thinking that maybe I had some slight signs of some of them.. this time, it’s more of a question of which ones I don’t have. I’m simply hoping that after all this difficulty during pregnancy, baby girl will at least be easy-going (and sleep!). That’s not so much to ask, right?

I do have to say that I am very fortunate to live in a place where I have ample maternity and sick leave. I don’t really know what I would have done during my sickest times if I hadn’t been able to take sick days. Here in Germany, rather than having a certain number of sick days, you simply stay home when you are sick. Up to 3 days, you don’t need a dr’s note, and after that most doctors will write you a week or more off for standard illnesses. Of course some people take advantage of that, but for the most part, people are honest. And only six weeks at a time can be taken at full pay, and then it drops to 65%, I think. Plus, you can take an additional 10 days per parent, per child when your kids are sick. Luckily we haven’t had to do that very often. But anyhow, I am grateful that I was able to take off during the worst times. And I also have a very understanding boss and team that allowed me to work from home a lot, especially towards the end.

Now I have been on maternity leave for 4 weeks already, as it starts at 34 weeks. So let me explain how maternity leave works here, as I know it varies a lot from country to country. In Germany, it starts 6 weeks before the due date, and the official, full pay leave (split between health insurance and employer) ends 8 weeks after the birth (with job protection during this time). This time is mandatory, and called Mutterschutz (mother protection). At that point, there are several options for how to proceed. Of course you can just go back to work, but almost no one does that. You can take 12 months at 65% pay, with an extra 2 months for the partner if he chooses to also take some leave. Then the total of 14 months can be divided anyway you like, as long as both parties take at least 2 months. Or you can take 2 years at 33%, or you can start back part time at any point, and have some “Elterngeld” (parental allowance) paid out to make the difference. So there are many ways to “slice the elephant” (a phrase management at my company seems to love). Personally, I am doing a standard 12 months leave, and Paolo will take 2 months, slightly overlapping with mine at the end. After that, I plan to return to work part-time, which is another benefit available, although I think that is more of a company benefit than a social one.

I know that everyone has different opinions on how maternity leave should work, and a lot of this is depending on where you are coming from. An American may see this as overindulgent and immediately start talking about how it’s a burden for taxpayers, while some other countries may say it isn’t generous enough compared to their home country. What I can say, as an American who chose to come to Germany and pay much higher taxes, is that I honestly don’t mind paying more when I get benefits like this. Is it discouraging to see 40% of my income go to taxes each month? Ehh, I guess, but I am still left with more than enough to live on, and I use these benefits that I pay for. These things that may seem indulgent (6 weeks vacation, maternity leave, subsidized daycares, etc.) help us to live a better quality of life, and some things you can’t put a price tag on.

So the other question people love to ask these days, is what exactly do I do with all this free time now? Isn’t it boring? In a word, no. I had all these great plans to spend lots of extra time with AJ, in his last weeks as an only child, and all the chores and projects I was going to complete, such as getting all the baby stuff ready, filing taxes (I have to file in the US and Germany), deep cleaning the house, etc.. Thankfully once my leave started, I initially felt much better and more inspired to be productive. Thank goodness I had that time, because my energy levels have slowed down immensely. Last Wednesday, I spent a couple hours working in my garden, trying to get all my spring flowers planted before it’s too late, and it took me the next day and a half to recover from all that bending and squatting.. so yes, I am not too different from an 85 year old. Since then, I’ve been experiencing what I can only assume is prodromal labor (false labor, in laymen’s terms). This is super miserable, as now every day, at almost the same time each day I start getting cramps and contractions that feel very real, but don’t progress, and eventually stop. So, labor with no baby. I have never heard of such a thing before, so only appropriate that it shows up during this pregnancy. After this occurs, I basically spend the rest of the day exhausted and recovering from the pain. The bright side of this is supposedly that my body is preparing, so it’s possible my actual labor is shorter. Not sure that matters so much when it’s making every day miserable rather than one long, hard day.

I so wish that I could be that woman that enjoys pregnancy and feels strong and empowered, but that is just not my experience. With AJ, everything was so uncertain and scary that I didn’t enjoy actually being pregnant much, although I had many good experiences then. This time I have felt like an invalid since just before 6 weeks, when my “morning sickness” began while walking in Oia, Santorini. I know that the end result is totally worth it; if this baby is even half as sweet as AJ still is, then I am one lucky mom. But in the mean time, I am wishing it all away. I feel terrible to admit that, but it’s the truth. On the other hand, I’m not quite ready for her to come; I need her to at least wait until April 27, when my mother in law is here to help with AJ J. Like I get any say as to when baby’s coming. I was thinking she would be late like AJ was, but now I am totally unsure with all this false labor stuff. I just hope I recognize when it’s real so that I get to the hospital. As much as I hate hospitals and want everything to be as natural as possible, I am not looking to have a home birth.

Now that I have written a novel of pregnancy complaints, I am off to do some chores before my “practice labor” begins for today.

Hopefully next time I will have some sweet baby pics to share!

Ciao for now,

Kathleen

Halfway Checkpoint

Today I am 20 weeks pregnant (halfway!), and I realized I haven’t written a blog post since finding out that I’m pregnant. So a quick update for all those who care: I am due May 2, we just found out that this baby is a girl (!), and it is true that each pregnancy is very different.

 

With AJ, the first few months are kind of a blur for me, I was very busy with finishing school, working in a restaurant, and then preparing to move to Italy. Other than my growing stomach and occasional morning sickness, I didn’t notice too many physical symptoms. This time was much more stable and easy from an emotional and financial standpoint, but physically was a nightmare from about week 6-16. Luckily we got in most of our Greek vacation before the torture began, but by the time we reached Santorini, I was just up for laying on the beach (and not a bad spot to do so!). After that, it was just all day, constant, morning sickness (what man named it that anyway?), and absolute exhaustion.

 

I am somehow very fortunate that we are going through a transition phase at work, which means that while management is more or less deciding my future, I don’t have too much to do. From a job security standpoint, not great; from a work-stress standpoint, wonderful.  I have a very supportive and understanding boss and colleagues, and in the German system, sick leave is given when you are sick (no worrying about number of sick days unless you cross 6 weeks per year). Pregnant women are extremely well taken care of in that regard here, so that has certainly made things easier.

 

Anyhow, the last 2-3 weeks have been much better, and other than my ever expanding stomach, shortness of breath, and constant hunger (making up for those 3 months, I think) I feel mostly normal. Baby E is growing perfectly, and has a big head just like her big brother. I have started feeling her move a lot, but we still haven’t felt any kicks externally. AJ is very excited most of the time, and asks me every day when the baby is coming out. He was admittedly disappointed to find out that it was a sister, but I’m sure he’ll come around. I was angry at my brother for being a boy right up until he was born, but I got over it.

 

This has certainly been an exciting time for us; last week AJ turned 4 (!), so we had a dino-themed week, with family coming to visit for both weekends. This week, we are preparing for a trip back to the US, for the first time in 19 months! AJ and I fly out Friday morning, and will be there for 3 weeks, so I am looking forward to some relaxing time visiting friends and family. I will admit that I have a list of foods that I have got to eat during my visit (Chick-fil-a, any decent Mexican food, and Johnny’s BBQ being the top of the list J ). I am pregnant, after all.

 

After I return to Germany, I actually only have a couple months left to work before my maternity leave begins (March 21!). I will then be on leave (partially paid) until at least May 2018, so plenty of time to bond with Baby E before heading back to work.  Then Paolo will take some paternity leave, so baby will be 14 months old when she starts daycare. Not too bad, huh? Yes, I pay a lot of taxes, but if you ask me these kind of benefits are priceless.

 

I hope that everyone has a very merry Christmas season, and a happy New Year!

An Open Letter from a Frustrated American Expat

Dear Fellow Americans,


Wake up. Seriously, what in the world is going on? More specifically, who are you people voting for Donald Trump? If you are one of these people, I have to ask: are you mentally stable? 


I have seen and read lots of articles about what is awful about the Donald, and far fewer about any redeeming qualities. Obviously, this leads me to the conclusion that his followers are most likely illiterate. I can't come up with a better explanation, this must be it (I've been to the Cullman Walmart, these must be the fans).


But enough with the insults, let me be real. From the other side of the world, it is downright embarrassing to be an American right now. I wish I could sugarcoat that statement, but that is the hard truth. It used to be the case that when someone discovered I was American, they would ask which state I came from, and if I liked it here, blah, blah. Now the question is first if I voted for Trump, and secondly, what's wrong with the people in my country? I have no good answer yet for the latter. I then have to admit that this election makes me quite happy to be here.


Don't get me wrong, I love my country. But when I see headlines everyday (yes, even here) discussing Donald Trump's latest stunt, I am embarrassed. And the media here is not nearly as polite as American media is (!), they are super condescending, and quite frankly, having a field day with the fact that big ol' America is so full of idiots that we came up with that guy to be a serious contender for the presidency of the most powerful nation in the world.


Of course, certain countries are loving it more than others. Italians are thrilled that they are no longer the only ones to elect (or almost elect) a bumbling buffoon (see Silvio Berlusconi). Most of Europe is simply laughing at us (not with us, AT us). I mean, really, can you imagine Donald Trump sitting down with Angela Merkel to discuss Russian intervention??? She will rip him to pieces (I, for one, cannot wait to see that one).


Since the GOP field narrowed to one, the tone is changing a bit, however. Everyone is still laughing, but it's becoming a nervous laugh. If this can happen in America, it can happen anywhere. Germany is currently dealing with an insurgent nationalistic party (AFD) as well as France (Front National). Aside from that, how the US reacts on foreign policy affects the rest of the world. Trump is untested, unscrupulous, and quite frankly, unsure. The man flip flops on his policies faster than the media can even report. Who knows what he really thinks?


I have seen so many conservatives bashing Trump in the past year, so now my question is: are you going to vote for him anyway? I truly hate seeing all these establishment Republicans now coming forward and backing him; way to stand by your convictions, guys. And evangelicals? I don't understand how a man like Trump can appeal to a true evangelical, this one is totally beyond me. We should never forget that neither political party is supported by the Bible. One must not vote Republican simply because the Christian status quo says that we should. Yes, there are certain topics that evangelicals say they can never support, but don't fool yourself into believing that Donald Trump is on your side in those fights. Or you can simply look at history and see that even conservative Presidents have done nothing to help in those fights.


So am I voting in this election? You betcha! It will be for whoever is against Trump. I will take Hillary or Bernie gladly over that moron. No, neither of them are perfect candidates either, but I refuse to watch my country become the laughingstock of the world. So I will do everything in my power to stop that, which is simply: vote. I am aware that my vote won't mean much in the state of Alabama (thanks, rednecks), but I will do my civic duty. I want to once again be proud of saying that I am American. Help me out, guys.


Ciao for now,
Kathleen

Guten Abend meine Damen und Herren

I wanted to post a little update on what's going on on our side of the pond, since it's been a while. We are in the midst of the Karneval/Fasching/Fasnet season here, which means parades and school parties.  Much to AJ's dismay, his dog costume from last year still fits, so he'll be a dog again (but I promised a new one next year).  

Alessandro is doing decently in his new kindergarten. His German skills have definitely improved since beginning there; I think it's because he's in an older class now (3-6), so they are speaking on a higher level. His social skills are still rough, unfortunately. Two days this week (out of the three days I picked him up), little girls have run up to me complaining of AJ hitting or biting them. In his defense, these girls do seem really annoying and bossy, but of course there isn't an excuse. We're working on it. The good news from him is that he is officially completely potty trained, including nights! Nights took a good while longer, but it suddenly just clicked, almost overnight. He still is completely obsessed with animals; it's all he talks about, but it makes him happy. As I type this, he is sitting in the bathtub, with a bunch of animals who are speaking German to each other. I know I mention it a lot, but his ability to speak all these languages is totally fascinating to me. He has three mother tongues now; that's incredible! I would really encourage anyone who's thinking about teaching their child an extra language; do it! It has to be natural though, I think, not just a here and there class. He even recognizes now when he hears people speaking a language he recognizes ("Mommy, she's speaking English!"). 

I, on the other hand, am stilllllll in German class. It's hard as an old person to learn a language. I am now in a B2 level class, meaning I can understand well, and communicate decently. Fluent is still a long way away, it seems.  Yesterday (Thursday) I had my first job interview in German. Well, it started in German. It went to English for a while, and then back again. As if an interview isn't nerve-racking enough, do it in another language. However, the good news is that on Wednesday I was officially offered another job, so that eased my nerves. Now I have to decide which job I want to do, but that is a difficult choice that I am happy to have after a year and a half of not working. Honestly, other than the beginning of my time here, and the past couple months, I haven't put tons of effort into finding a job other than sending my CV every once in a while.  But once I made some changes to my CV to make it "more European", with picture and all, I finally started getting responses. So that's the big news in my life. I'm still waiting on the contract to arrive, so I'll give details later. 

For the record, I am really enjoying living in Germany. I've had several people ask me lately when I'm moving back to the US... I don't know? Maybe never? Not because I don't love my country, but I also really like it here. I always give the excuse that Paolo doesn't want to move to the US, but that's really only one reason. I also made the conscious decision to move here, and have spent a year in an integration course, so it's kind of a lifestyle thing. Since my first international trip at the age of 12 (to Egypt), I've said I wanted to live abroad. Thank goodness we didn't end up in Egypt, like I used to want.  I can't say I'll never move back,  because it may happen some day. Hopefully it would be after my child-bearing years; I'm not giving up my one year paid maternity leave (per child!! And up to 3 years unpaid!). Also, not sure I want to give up 6 weeks paid vacation per year. Yeah, we pay high taxes, but in my opinion, quality of life is worth it. I also really enjoy how international the area we live in is; it's not uncommon to sit on the subway and hear four languages simultaneously. But despite having a very high foreign born population, Stuttgart is very safe. This is partly because people are very well integrated, and partly because there are lots of jobs, therefore, money. And most "authentic" Germans I've met have been very nice and welcoming. Of course, there are times when I get frustrated, but that's true with life in general. The best case scenario would be bringing all my loved ones here, but I guess that's having my cake and eating it, too (who came up with that phrase? Everyone eats cake if they have it!). Hopefully teleporting is not too far off in our future :)

Ciao for now,

Kathleen

Moving Forward

We are living in a scary, dark time. I don't think that comes as a surprise, but sometimes it hits a little closer to home, and we are reminded. I live approximately 4 hours east of Paris (by TGV), so for me, the Paris attack was too close to home. I have friends living in Paris; I recognize places in the photos. That is why this attack is causing more of a stir than some others; many of us have been or know people in Paris.. it's more real.

I am not sure how it feels to be in the US right now; I would imagine it feels far away, and you feel safe. I don't feel in danger, but I am certainly aware that I could be. I don't foresee Stuttgart as being an ISIS target, but then again, you never know. But I am not going to change the way I live my life to "protect" myself. Of course if one avoids events, train stations, and airports, you lessen your chances of danger, but then you are just doing what these animals want: giving in to fear. That is what these people, if we can even call them that, thrive on. They declare to do all these acts in name of Allah, but in my opinion, they are doing it only for the sense of power it gives them. It is a great human tendency to promote your own agenda by declaring it as inspired by religion (hmm hmm, politicians).

So now the questions is, what do we do in response to these attacks? I like the French response of bombing the crap out of them, quite frankly. Contrary to American stereotypes of the French being sissies, they actually have a pretty decent defense system, and it would appear they're going to put that to work. We are all still waiting to see how the US responds, but so far I am not impressed. It seems to me that we are going to wait until there is an attack on US soil to do anything again, although my hope is that the West will join together to fight the terrorists. 

I must say that I'm ashamed of the reports that so many US states are refusing refugees. First of all, the US is only taking 10,000. Let's put that into perspective: that is approximately 200 for every state. Nothing.  Stuttgart, a city of 600,000, is taking 11,000 Syrian refugees at the moment. More than the entire US.. that makes sense. Some may say that Germany is overcompensating, but so far, they are managing (Wir schaffen das!). Of course there will come a breaking point, one country can only handle so much. Anyways, 10,000 is not many at all. Is it possible there is a terrorist hiding among them? Of course, we would be naive not to think it could be so. But do we really think we don't have ISIS extremists already there? In the Paris attacks, it seems only 1/8 was a fake refugee; the others were EU citizens. If they hadn't had the one refugee, they would have managed, or found someone else. My theory is that ISIS just wants to show that they can sneak someone in. They don't actually need to, there's enough support already there. How many people have left to go fight after just being influenced by the Internet? Let's not kid ourselves into thinking refugees are the only way these people are going to get into our countries.  

Furthermore, it is much harder to get into the US than it is to get into Europe. US refugees are vetted before they arrive, and there aren't thousands arriving by boat every day to complicate the process. The EU is so inundated with refugees right now, without having a proper standard protocol to deal with it, that it is a real crisis. 

It is so easy to forget that the reason the US was founded in the first place was as a refuge from religious persecution. Over the centuries, many tired, poor, huddles masses have fled to the US in different waves. This one is different because the people are not white and Christian, but we are a land of freedom and opportunity, so that shouldn't matter. These are in the end, people, people fleeing from horrors most of us have fortunately never had to experience. I have met several of them, both as schoolmates and neighbors, and all were very nice, respectable people, simply trying to protect themselves and their families. And we think the right response is to shut them out? And worse, many (most) of the ones protesting the loudest against refugees also claim to be Christians? I can simply not imagine that Jesus would be anti-refugee. As I recall, the Bible says to do for the least what we would do for Him (Matthew 25:40). I bet you wouldn't tell Him to go back to his war-torn country.

Food for thought.

Ciao for now,

Kathleen Powers

Oktoberfest, Wasen, Wiesn, Whatever

Guten tag!! I must warn you in advance that due to not having internet at our new house until mid-November, I am writing this on my phone. There will be errors.

So yes, we are moved into our new apartment finally.. It was a long process; you never know how much you have until you have to move it all. But now we are here, all the furniture except the couch is here, the washing machine was installed (hallelujah!), and now Paolo and AJ are in Italy for a little over a week. I was left out because I have class, and more importantly, my big German test next Saturday. It's the B1 level test, which basically shows that I am intermediate level, and has speaking, listening, reading, and writing sections. So yeah, shoot me now. 

Anyways, I wanted to write a little about Oktoberfest since its that time again. First of all, if you have been to the Cullman Oktoberfest, then just know that that is not even remotely close to what Oktoberfest is. The main festival is in Munich, and is actually called Wiesn. The second largest is in Stuttgart, where I live, and called the Cannstatter Wasen. It is basically an enormous fair, with rides, food, the whole nine yards. The rides are way better than county fair rides, but still.. I'm a bit skeptical of any ride that can be transported. Then you have the "beer tents". These are not actually tents, but these huge hall buildings, with live music and food. And after a certain hour everyone stands on the chairs and dances. I went to Wasen last year on my 2nd or 3rd day here, and I really felt it was the most stereotypically German thing ever. Think guys with big bellies eating sausage and drinking beer. And of course, wearing lederhosen. It is so magnificently Deutsch. I was terrified.   

Now I have my own dirndl and my own group of friends, so we're going to check it out tomorrow! Stay tuned for "The American who fell out of the German Ferris wheel" :)

Ciao for now,

Kathleen