Hello all, long time, no see :) Turns out having two kids makes one pretty busy; who knew?
Recently, someone sent me a message saying that they liked the pictures I posted, and that it looked like I was "living my best life".. I know she meant that as a compliment, but to be honest, it hit me hard. What I post on Facebook and Instagram is just the rosy side of life. These past few months, while overall containing mostly good moments, have simultaneously been some of the more emotionally trying months of my life. Of course, no one wants to see pictures of that stuff.
I could have posted the moment where I realized I didn't have a job to go back to when my maternity leave was over- yes, they can do that if your contract ends during your leave, even at the company consistently voted "best place to work". I could have posted when the daycare we planned on sending Elisa to (where AJ is), told me they couldn't give her a place because we lived outside the city limits- not that it matters if I have no job. I could have posted about the 50+ job applications I've sent, the countless interviews (ok, 6), or the rejections- apparently no one wants to hire a 28 year old mother of two small children who wants to work part time, without extensive job experience. Or I could've posted the heartbreaking day last week when I was officially unemployed- May 1, or May 2, my daughter's first birthday, when I had to report to the unemployment office. Or today I could've posted the super awesome 4 hour job application workshop I have to attend every day this week, on orders of said unemployment agency- where even the job coach seems baffled by my situation.
But these aren't the rosy parts of life. I say all of this to say, what is online isn't real. I mean, those are real parts of life, but they don't tell the whole story. This is not to say that my life is terrible. I'm definitely at a crossroad, and I am trying very hard not to be discouraged, even though to be honest, the situation all around sucks. But I have two beautiful, super smart children (AJ memorized the top 50 most populous countries in order last week, and Elisa started pushing her walker today :) ), a lovely husband who would hate me writing about him online, and oh by the way, we bought a house! Luckily (because of my unemployment), we don't actually move in or start paying for the house until June 2019, because the current owners are building new. But the contract is signed, so this was big deal for us. We were very fortunate to find the right house, the right place, the right owners, and most of all, the right price. In the Stuttgart area, or in our case, 50 km away, this is not so easy to find. But from June of next year, we will be moving to a tiny village not too far from the Black forest, where daycare places are abundant, and as the lady selling told us, "the only sound you'll hear is the horses in the fields around the village". I think that's when Paolo was sold.
So all in all, everything is fine and will be fine. When I feel discouraged, I try to channel Scarlett O'Hara in her "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again" moment. However, if you see me making dresses from my curtains, send help.
Ciao for now,
Kathleen