The Light at the End of the Tunnel

Well, folks, today I made it to 38 weeks pregnant. How am I feeling? Hmm, it’s a complicated question with an answer that changes 1267 times a day. One thing I can say for sure is that no two pregnancies are alike.

When I was pregnant with AJ, I had no idea how easy I had it. On one hand, that pregnancy was much more emotionally difficult, simply because I was young and scared. This time everything was according to plan, so from an emotional standpoint, I was prepared and happy. But from a physical standpoint, it has been a nightmare. I remember last time reading all these symptoms, and thinking that maybe I had some slight signs of some of them.. this time, it’s more of a question of which ones I don’t have. I’m simply hoping that after all this difficulty during pregnancy, baby girl will at least be easy-going (and sleep!). That’s not so much to ask, right?

I do have to say that I am very fortunate to live in a place where I have ample maternity and sick leave. I don’t really know what I would have done during my sickest times if I hadn’t been able to take sick days. Here in Germany, rather than having a certain number of sick days, you simply stay home when you are sick. Up to 3 days, you don’t need a dr’s note, and after that most doctors will write you a week or more off for standard illnesses. Of course some people take advantage of that, but for the most part, people are honest. And only six weeks at a time can be taken at full pay, and then it drops to 65%, I think. Plus, you can take an additional 10 days per parent, per child when your kids are sick. Luckily we haven’t had to do that very often. But anyhow, I am grateful that I was able to take off during the worst times. And I also have a very understanding boss and team that allowed me to work from home a lot, especially towards the end.

Now I have been on maternity leave for 4 weeks already, as it starts at 34 weeks. So let me explain how maternity leave works here, as I know it varies a lot from country to country. In Germany, it starts 6 weeks before the due date, and the official, full pay leave (split between health insurance and employer) ends 8 weeks after the birth (with job protection during this time). This time is mandatory, and called Mutterschutz (mother protection). At that point, there are several options for how to proceed. Of course you can just go back to work, but almost no one does that. You can take 12 months at 65% pay, with an extra 2 months for the partner if he chooses to also take some leave. Then the total of 14 months can be divided anyway you like, as long as both parties take at least 2 months. Or you can take 2 years at 33%, or you can start back part time at any point, and have some “Elterngeld” (parental allowance) paid out to make the difference. So there are many ways to “slice the elephant” (a phrase management at my company seems to love). Personally, I am doing a standard 12 months leave, and Paolo will take 2 months, slightly overlapping with mine at the end. After that, I plan to return to work part-time, which is another benefit available, although I think that is more of a company benefit than a social one.

I know that everyone has different opinions on how maternity leave should work, and a lot of this is depending on where you are coming from. An American may see this as overindulgent and immediately start talking about how it’s a burden for taxpayers, while some other countries may say it isn’t generous enough compared to their home country. What I can say, as an American who chose to come to Germany and pay much higher taxes, is that I honestly don’t mind paying more when I get benefits like this. Is it discouraging to see 40% of my income go to taxes each month? Ehh, I guess, but I am still left with more than enough to live on, and I use these benefits that I pay for. These things that may seem indulgent (6 weeks vacation, maternity leave, subsidized daycares, etc.) help us to live a better quality of life, and some things you can’t put a price tag on.

So the other question people love to ask these days, is what exactly do I do with all this free time now? Isn’t it boring? In a word, no. I had all these great plans to spend lots of extra time with AJ, in his last weeks as an only child, and all the chores and projects I was going to complete, such as getting all the baby stuff ready, filing taxes (I have to file in the US and Germany), deep cleaning the house, etc.. Thankfully once my leave started, I initially felt much better and more inspired to be productive. Thank goodness I had that time, because my energy levels have slowed down immensely. Last Wednesday, I spent a couple hours working in my garden, trying to get all my spring flowers planted before it’s too late, and it took me the next day and a half to recover from all that bending and squatting.. so yes, I am not too different from an 85 year old. Since then, I’ve been experiencing what I can only assume is prodromal labor (false labor, in laymen’s terms). This is super miserable, as now every day, at almost the same time each day I start getting cramps and contractions that feel very real, but don’t progress, and eventually stop. So, labor with no baby. I have never heard of such a thing before, so only appropriate that it shows up during this pregnancy. After this occurs, I basically spend the rest of the day exhausted and recovering from the pain. The bright side of this is supposedly that my body is preparing, so it’s possible my actual labor is shorter. Not sure that matters so much when it’s making every day miserable rather than one long, hard day.

I so wish that I could be that woman that enjoys pregnancy and feels strong and empowered, but that is just not my experience. With AJ, everything was so uncertain and scary that I didn’t enjoy actually being pregnant much, although I had many good experiences then. This time I have felt like an invalid since just before 6 weeks, when my “morning sickness” began while walking in Oia, Santorini. I know that the end result is totally worth it; if this baby is even half as sweet as AJ still is, then I am one lucky mom. But in the mean time, I am wishing it all away. I feel terrible to admit that, but it’s the truth. On the other hand, I’m not quite ready for her to come; I need her to at least wait until April 27, when my mother in law is here to help with AJ J. Like I get any say as to when baby’s coming. I was thinking she would be late like AJ was, but now I am totally unsure with all this false labor stuff. I just hope I recognize when it’s real so that I get to the hospital. As much as I hate hospitals and want everything to be as natural as possible, I am not looking to have a home birth.

Now that I have written a novel of pregnancy complaints, I am off to do some chores before my “practice labor” begins for today.

Hopefully next time I will have some sweet baby pics to share!

Ciao for now,

Kathleen